Steel Panther live at Hustler Hollywood, US 2014

Let’s face it, if you haven’t anally followed the latest sexploits of the legendary and almighty Steel Panther than you either have a good day job or you spend far too much time loitering in the boys locker room at school. Do you like boobs? The four biggest boobs rockin’ the East Side of West Hollywood have just released a colossal new CD, epically titled “All You Can Eat,” and one good serving leaves you with nothing to be desired.
Steel Panther meet & greed Hustler Hollywood pic

When Steel Panther released 2009s “Feel the Steel” (read the review here), fans clamored for a closer look at real men donning real spandex in front of real Marshall Stacks; and the result was an overwhelming display of debauchery. Critics called it a joke and said it wouldn’t last! What does a critic know anyway?
When the band’s demanding tour schedule finally slowed down to just 8 shows a week, the band let their “Balls Out” (read the review here) in 2011 to an album that nearly cleared through 13,000 copies sold in its first week of independent release and instantly became the highest illegally downloaded display of sexual disorientation since someone digitized that VHS tape of Traci Lords and her tennis racket. As YouTube videos arose, a sudden demand for AquaNet developed around the world and a new generation of teens found hope in the depressing world of post-grunge anti-metal; there was something greater that they could aspire to be – Steel ‘Fan’thers. After all, if you can’t make a living being who and what they are… and YOU can’t!… Then at least you can get on the bandwagon and support the positive side of having a wang and flailing it in public for the good of rock and roll!
On Thursday, April 3rd, Hustler Hollywood, the premier destination for all things that make a body feel good, opened its Sunset Strip doors to just 100 “invite only” die-hard fanatics that patiently lined the boulevard. A host of news reporters with cameras in tow and eager magazine writers gathered; looking to celebrate the long awaited release of Steel Panther’s 2014 CD titled “All You Can Eat”.
When the band arrived, somewhat disheveled and grinning ear to ear, they were escorted onto the stage area by a bevy of Hustler Models in fishnet tights and bejeweled mini-shorts, with tousled hair and dazed looks. Some even appeared to be weak in the knees, which meant only one thing; the boys were back in town! Kevin Chiaramonte, the band’s management representative, fielded questions from the audience as national magazine editors begged for answers to the real dirt fans want to hear about. “How does one cure herpes?”, “Why does it burn when I pee?” and a long list of other less introspective questions were asked and answered. You’ll have to visit for a broadcast of the day’s event to see if the band answered a question you may have.
Poised for action with an acoustic guitar and a pink polka dot bass (and hand held mirror), guitarist Satchel, bassist Lexxi Foxx, drummer Stix Zadinia and front man Michael Starr performed an all-hits set of song selections from their three CDs. During the set, one high school fan got the treat of a lifetime. After begging Starr to take her to the prom, he responded by bringing her on stage for a personal rendition of the Steel Panther song “Girl from Oklahoma”.
The after-party took place at the world famous Rainbow Bar & Grill where the band supplied fans with an unending supply of pizza along with two special drinks they personally added to the bar selections – “The Glory Hole” (A Jack Daniels and Pepsi concoction) and “The Pussy Whipped” (which blended Cranberry Juice, Vodka and a spurt of what might have been soda). Attendees spent the evening getting up close and personal with the band. Each “Fanther” got a chance to take a photo or have their boobs signed with no regrets. Raging on until well after midnight, Steel Panther bid farewell with thanks, boarding their Panther mobile and leaving fans to continue the party without them.
During the meet and greet session, members of the band shared that with National Tour Dates starting in May of 2014, their Hollywood House of Blues Monday Night Residency will have just three dates scheduled before coming to an end. Complete details, news updates, social media links and the forthcoming tour dates can be found on the Steel Panther’s official website here.

(text & photos by Joe Dolan)